Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude.
Our thoughts can make us sick, and they can help us get well. That may seem like New Age thinking, but medical research increasingly supports the role played by the mind in physical health.
“People have been seeking healing through prayer and intention since Paleolithic times,” notes Dr. Herbert Benson, founder of the Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital. “What’s new is our detailed scientific knowledge of how the mind-body connection operates.”
Scientists first proved a link between stress and disease in the early half of the last century. Since then, researchers have examined old and new practices—including biofeedback, meditation, guided imagery, spiritual healing and deep breathing. The fast-expanding field of psychoneuroimmunology, which examines how the neurological and immune systems interact, is providing new clinical evidence of the connection between thoughts and health.
“We now can measure changes in immune cells and the brain in ways that give us objective scientific proof of the connection between them,” says Mary Jo Kreitzer, director of the Center for Spirituality & Healing at the University of Minnesota.
Some people still are surprised to discover that thoughts can control physical sensation. “The body responds to mental input as if it were physically real,” explains Larry Dossey, a physician and an advocate for mind-body study since the 1980s. “Images create bodily changes—just as if the experience were really happening. For example, if you imagine yourself lying on a beach in the sun, you become relaxed, your peripheral blood vessels dilate, and your hands become warm, as in the real thing.”
Similarly, under clinical hypnosis, someone who is told he is being touched by a red-hot object often will produce a burn blister, even though the object touching him was at room temperature.
Brain scans show that when we imagine an event, our thoughts “light up” the areas of the brain that are triggered during the actual event. Sports psychologists have done pioneering work in this area. In one study, skiers were wired to EMG monitors (which record electrical impulses sent to the muscles) while they mentally rehearsed their downhill runs. The skiers’ brains sent the same instructions to their bodies whether they were doing a jump or just thinking about it.
The “placebo effect” is an example of how the connection between brain and body works in healing. It has been demonstrated that when a patient believes something will relieve pain, the body actually releases endorphins that do so. In a recent study, Parkinson’s patients who were given fake surgery or fake drug treatments produced dopamine (a chemical their bodies lack) in quantities similar to those they might have received in a genuine intervention. Medical research has suggested that 30% to 70% of successful treatments may be the result of the patient’s belief that the treatment will work.
“There is ample evidence that negative thoughts and feelings can be harmful to the body,” says Lorenzo Cohen, director of the Integrative Medicine Program at the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston. Stress is known to be a factor in heart disease, headaches, asthma and many other illnesses.
Studies by Janice Kiecolt-Glaser and Ronald Glaser at Ohio State University demonstrate how even minor psychological stress—that of newlyweds having their first fight or of students facing an exam—can compromise the immune system. The researchers found that a marital spat delays wound-healing and that the stress of caring for an Alzheimer’s patient leaves the caregiver more vulnerable to illness even years later.
When the body fights a virus or heals a wound, it releases cyto–kines (literally, “moving cells”)—chemical messengers that call in immune agents. The Glasers’ research showed that stress distracts these cytokines from doing their proper work, instead sending them ranging wildly through the bloodstream. “When the cyto-kines are misdirected,” says Kiecolt-Glaser, “they produce something you don’t want—a prolonged inflammatory response that far exceeds what is needed with infection.”
Just as our thoughts can make us ill, they also can help us heal, say those who practice mind-body therapies. There is growing clinical evidence that imagery is beneficial in treating skin disease, diabetes, breast cancer, arthritis, headaches and severe burns, among other conditions. Imagery also has been helpful in managing pain. “The mind is our most potent weapon in the battle for health,” says Lyn Freeman, a researcher of mind-body therapies for chronic diseases. “It can be both slayer and healer.”
What To Do
Adjust your mind-set to promote good health:
1. Take a deep breath. Hold it, exhale, then repeat for 10 minutes. Take a walk, preferably in nature. Breathe in the fresh air.
2. Laugh! When you do, you pump more oxygen into your lungs, improve blood flow and boost your immune system.
3. Keep a journal. Writing about emotionally charged events helps us deal with them mentally and physically.
In the light of these studies, it is surprising that few studies have compared the health consequences of eating organic and conventionally grown produce. Any fruits and vegetables are better than none. In a study, those who ate the fewest plant foods had the highest cancer rates, and those who ate the most produce had the least cancer. Most pesticides are fat-soluble. If you eat plants that have been treated with them, you ingest a tiny amount of residue that accumulates in your fatty tissues, such as female breast tissue. But the real problem develops when you eat animal fat. Food animals accumulate pesticides in their fat tissues throughout their lives. By the time people eat them, they have much higher levels than any of the feed plants they ate. When people eat meat, they consume most of the pesticides the animals ate. The higher up the food chain you eat, the more toxic chemicals you ingest. The cleanest produce is organic. Even organically grown fruits, vegetables, grains and beans may pick up some pesticide contamination because of chemicals in groundwater, in the air from neighbouring nonorganic farms or from fumigation of trucks and warehouses. But compared with conventionally grown produce, organic fruits and vegetables are significantly cleaner. If you opt for organic fruits and vegetables, the good news is that they are more available than ever. Health food stores, farmer’s markets and even some supermarkets now carry items called organic. So what are you waiting for?
Support Your Local Farmers
Buy foods in season and encourage your supermarket to stock locally grown items, which are less likely to be waxed and treated with postharvest pesticides during transport and storage.
Scrub Up
Wash all the fruits and vegetables with a dilute solution of dishwashing liquid and water. Use a vegetable brush. Chop spinach, broccoli, cauliflower and celery before washing.
Grow Your Own
No matter where you live, you can grow at least some of your own fruits and vegetables organically. If you do not buy organic, you can still minimize your exposure to pesticides by heeding the above suggestions.
Do Some Research
Contact your state agriculture department or local extension service for referrals to organic growers in your area. Contact the farmers and ask how they grow their produce and where they sell it.
Meet Your Greengrocer
Talk with your health food store or supermarket produce manager. Ask for organic produce.
Buy Your Produce By Mail
It is easier than you think. Pick those nearest to you for the freshest items and lowest shipping costs. Root vegetables – carrots, turnips and rutabagas – are excellent mail-order choices. They ship well, and when conventionally grown, root vegetables tend to accumulate higher levels of pesticides than other vegetables.
Exercise A Little Skepticism
Unless you trust the vendor, do not place too much faith in handwritten signs. Look for certification label. Labels include “Farm-Verified Organics.” “Organic Crop Improvement Association,” “Organic Growers and Buyers Association” and “California Certified Organic Farmers.” Only California has a government-regulated organic certification program. The other certification labels are granted to members of voluntary associations who pledge to uphold certain voluntary standards. But any label is more trustworthy than a handwritten sign.
Mosquitos are probably one of my least favorite of the earth's critters. I'm really not sure what positive role they play in the ecosystem aside from being food for other creatures. In fact, the problems caused by mosquitos seem to far outweigh their benefits!
Mosquitos kill millions
Still, mozzies have their place I guess and one of them is unfortunately population control. Mosquitos spread all sorts of diseases such as malaria; which kills millions every year. Even non-life threatening diseases spread by mosquitos can be debilitating and span a lifetime. The mosquito-borne West Nile virus that has killed dozens of people in the USA in recent years has also killed hundreds of thousands of birds.
The big one - standing water
Probably one of the most important tips is to get rid of any standing water you have around your yard - whether it's rain collected in old tires, a discarded plastic container hiding under a shrub or water sitting in a drain or roof gutter; mosquitos are a "just add water" type of critter.
We have a pond and while we had turtles in it, I was hardly bothered by mozzies; but within a couple of weeks of removing the turtles I was a mosquito diner.
While turtles aren't for everyone, there are some hardy types of fish that can live in small ponds that are very effective in controlling mosquitoes such as Gambusia (mosquito fish) - but these shouldn't be introduced to ponds where there are other fish as they can be quite aggressive. They definitely shouldn't be released into waterways where they aren't a native.
Another good way to discourage mosquitoes in ponds is to have the water moving through the use of a small fountain - mosquitos require still water for egg laying.
But just because you address standing water in your own yard, it doesn't mean your neighbors will be quite as thorough. Mosquitoes will travel up to a mile from where they emerged, so you'll need some extra protection.
More mosquito avoidance tips
- Cover up - wear long sleeved clothing where possible. When researching this article I found a great deal of conflicting information on clothing color; even on reputable medical sites - some said mozzies were attracted to light clothes, others said dark clothes.
- Some swear by essential oils such as lemongrass, lemon eucalyptus, peppermint and pure vanilla extract as repellents, others say they are entirely ineffective. As so many oils are recommended, are quite expensive to buy and can cause irritation if not mixed properly, before buying up a supply of essential oils to trial, give a commercial ready-to-go natural product a whirl - these will usually contain a mixture of oils. Try running a search on the terms: natural mosquito repellent on your favorite search engine and also read reviews from others on particular brands. Also check the label of any such product carefully - "natural" can be a rather rubbery term.
- Mosquitoes are attracted by many fragrances, such as those found in shampoos and sunscreens, so try using fragrance-free products.
- Most mosquitoes are active between dusk and dawn, so avoid being outside between those times and particularly heavy exercise during the darker hours as mosquitoes are attracted to body heat, the scent of sweat and sources of high levels of carbon dioxide.
- If you are outside, such as when entertaining guests; try lighting a few citronella candles upwind of where you are. Citronella is a natural repellent and is the active component of lemongrass.
- Check all your fly screens - a small hole is a gaping gateway for mozzies
- Even if they don't bite you, there's nothing more annoying than the sound of a mosquito buzzing while you're trying to sleep. A mosquito net placed around and over your bed will help ensure a peaceful and bite-free sleep. Mosquito netting draped over a wide brimmed hat can also be an option for protecting your face when engaged in some outdoor activities.
... and if you do find the need to use DEET based repellents, bear in mind that more is not better - read the instructions for application carefully.
There is a special little secret ingredient which is responsible for getting people addicted to you, to love you, and to think of you as an irreplaceable person in their life. Right away you are thinking of how valuable it would be to have such power in romance, friendship and business.
People would love you, adore you, and want you to succeed. How famous, rich, and powerful would you be then? This universal principle applies to any person, and can be executed at any time, but keep in mind that you will be completely exploiting them, so take this knowledge and let the use of it rest on your own conscience.
In any relationship the thing that defines how much you care, feel, and want the best for them, has nothing to do with who they are. It has everything to do with who YOU are. You could equally love the prom queen or a troll, that's not based on who they are, it's based on who YOU are.
The secret to making yourself care for and love someone is simply to give to them. Give them your caring, give them your love, and give them an investment of your most valuable asset- your time. Why does a mother always love her child more than vice versa? This is because the mother has given more to the child.
How come the children of parents who give them absolutely everything they ask for grow up to hate their parents? This is because the parents did all of the giving, and the child gave nothing. The parent gave and grew to love, the child took and grew to hate. The key to a mutually loving relationship is a mutually giving relationship- the trick is in the balance.
By now you can see that it's easier for you to make yourself addicted to them than vice versa. In one sense this is true, but there are a few techniques you can execute in order to facilitate their giving, and thus their loving.
1. Get Out Of Their Way. You will notice that often times people offer to help, and you can tell they really want to, but you decide to deny them and do it yourself. Knowing what you know about giving you can now step aside, let them help you and invest time in you, and then give them a simple 'Thank You.'
2. Ask and Receive. When they're not offering to help, make the offer for them by asking. You might think that causing even a slight inconvenience to them will not make them love you more, because they're having to go out of their way. Wrong. The more they just had to sacrifice and go out of their way, the more they have given and made an investment.
3. Spend Some Time. Engage them in a mutually enjoyable activity. In this case you will both like it, both invest time in each other, and both associate positive emotional states with each other. As you can see, you're both going to get addicted to each other- win-win.
Power naps are a great way to give yourself a shot of physical and mental energy in the middle of your day. Even when you get a good night’s sleep, sometimes your body just needs a rest in the middle of the day.
The beauty of power naps is they do not have to be long, they can be done on your break at work or during your lunch hour, and they usually leave you feeling energized. Adding this one small change to your workday could boost your afternoon productivity, or give you that extra motivation to make it through your son’s baseball practice with enthusiasm.
Do not use a nap as a way to make up for a sleep deficit. Your body needs to be in deep REM sleep for a minimum amount of time so it can repair and rejuvenate itself. Rather, supplement your regular sleep schedule with a short, mid-day power nap that gives you a quick and easy shot of energy.
Here are the points to remember:
Short Naps are Best: If you have tried afternoon napping in the past only to find it leaves you feeling groggy, try sleeping for less than a half-hour. Twenty to thirty minutes is the ideal length for a power nap because your body does not have the chance to fall into any kind of deep sleep. This will allow you to wake up feeling energized rather than fuzzy. It is also short enough so that it will not interfere with your nightly sleep schedule. Do not take a nap that is going to prevent you from going to bed at night.
If you need an instant pick me up, try closing your eyes for just five minutes. Even a couple of minutes of rest can give you increased energy and clear your mind.
Make it a Habit: Working in a nap as part of your normal daily routine will allow your body to expect it and incorporate it into its natural rhythms. In fact, try scheduling it into your calendar or using half of your lunch break. By keeping it regular, you will find it easier to doze off quickly and easy to wake up again.
Get Comfortable: Some people are lucky enough to be able to fall asleep anywhere, anytime. All they have to do is stop moving for just a few minutes and bam – they are out. Unfortunately it is not that easy for all of us. If you work at home and want to try napping, get comfortable in a familiar location. Go lay in bed or on your couch.
Others are able to fall asleep in the car (but do not sleep in a hot car with the windows rolled up – find a safe place to stop and crack your windows), or even behind the desk. While this isn't ideal for cubicle workers, If you have an executive’s style chair, many times you can kick your feet up, lean your head back, and close your eyes. If you are nervous about people pulling pranks on you, find an empty conference room or a vacant office with a door you can lock.
If, after several attempts, you are not able to pull it off, try a quick meditation break instead. It's not sleeping, but it sure is a great way to restart your afternoon.
Do not feel guilty about indulging in an afternoon nap. You are doing your body a great service by keeping it rested and energized. If you are afraid of getting too comfortable, set an alarm to ensure you do not oversleep. Oversleeping during a nap is going to destroy your sleep schedule and can make you feel more tired. Keep it short.
If you are not used to napping, you may wake up feeling groggy. Go into the restroom and splash some cool water on your face, or run your wrists under the tap. Your blood vessels are very close to the skin in your wrists, which is why tap water running over the wrists can help raise or lower body temperature. Holding them under the cool water for a couple of minutes should help clear out the cobwebs. Supplement this with some foods that will naturally boost your energy.
Once you wake up from your nap, do something physical as well. Even if you go for a short stroll around the office, the act of moving will clear your mind and get you back into the right frame of mind to work.
Screaming sports coaches and cutthroat tycoons have it wrong: Nice guys do finish first, a new study suggests.
The Harvard University study involved 100 Boston-area college students playing the same game over and over — a punishment-heavy version of the classic one-on-one brinksmanship game of prisoner's dilemma. The research appears in Thursday's edition of the journal Nature.
Common game theory has held that punishment makes two equals cooperate. But when people compete in repeated games, punishment fails to deliver, said study author Martin Nowak. He is director of the evolutionary dynamics lab at Harvard where the study was conducted.
"On the individual level, we find that those who use punishments are the losers," Nowak said his experiments found.
Those who escalate the conflict very often wound up doomed.
"It's a very positive message," said study co-author David Rand, a Harvard biology graduate student researcher. "In general, the thing that is most, sort of, rational and best for your own self-interest is to be nice."
The study looked at games between equals. Punishment does seem to have a place in games when one player is dominant and needs to enforce submission, Nowak said.
In Nowak's experiment, the students played more than 8,000 games of prisoner's dilemma, using dimes to reward and punish. The normal game of prisoner's dilemma gives two players two options: cooperate or defect. If both cooperate, each ends up winning a dime. If both defect, each gets nothing. If one cooperates and the other defects, the cooperative player loses 20 cents and the defector wins 30 cents.
Nowak then added a "costly punishment" component. A player could choose to punish someone who didn't cooperate. That penalized the non-cooperative person 40 cents, but the other player had to pay a dime to mete out the punishment.
When Nowak compared how much money people earned or lost in the long run, there was a noticeable correlation between punishment and overall money. The players who punished their opponents the least, or not at all, made the most money.
Those who punished the most made the least money.
When faced with a nasty opponent, turning the other cheek and continuing to cooperate — or at least not handing out punishment — paid off more in the long run, the study found.
The paper makes sense and is interesting in its look at repeated interaction, said University of Central Florida economics professor Elisabet Rutstrom, who works on game theory but was not part of the Harvard study.
Nowak said he next wants to study chief executives to see if the findings play out in the real world.
First comes that split second of physical attraction. Next that thrilling feeling of chemistry. But when the veil of romance starts to lift, what's life really like off the dance floor?
Too often, love is blind.
When Jenny and Michael met, they were instantly attracted to each other. Those electrifying sparks started flying. In an exciting whirlwind of parties and romantic dates, they swept each other off their feet. They decided to get married and live happily ever after. Years later the hormones had calmed down (and so had the fireworks). When the smoke cleared, the mismatches started to emerge. Her passion to shop and his questionable money decisions created constant financial stress. He liked to hang with the guys at the bar. She loved to go to the theater with friends. They disagreed on children and family values, especially religion. Communication broke down. Eventually, they grew apart.
Sound familiar? A physical and chemical match is essential at the start, but the excitement of a budding new romance eventually wears off. Making thoughtful dating decisions can mean the difference between revolving relationships and finding lasting love.
Dating experts outline seven match areas to consider:
Physical appearance
While physical appearance and attraction draw two people together at first, these aspects will affect the rest of their lives. If working out and staying fit is important to you, will it bum you out if your mate doesn't share your quest for rock hard abs?
Emotional maturity
Is this person emotionally mature and centered or are they still lugging around some trunk-sized baggage? How does your sweetheart relate to family and friends? Is he or she emotionally supportive or have control issues? Is your mate aware of his or her own issues and interested in addressing them?
Lifestyle choices
This includes career and social lives, common interests, leisure time activities and energy levels. Would she rather join the bowling league or the metropolitan symphony? Does he have lots of energy for activities with friends while she'd rather rest and chill out at home?
Financial style
This is a hot bed for most couples. It includes income levels, financial goals and views on handling money. How do you each want to spend, save and invest? Is one person a spender while the other saves? Is one person financially responsible while or the other plays catch-up with child support and bills?
Value structure
This match area is often overlooked but has a tremendous impact on your life. It includes the big values: Honesty, integrity, loyalty, views on family and children, religion and spirituality, life goals and the treatment and care for others. Does your mate follow through on her word? Would you say he's trustworthy? Will she always be there for you in a pinch?
Marriage and sex
Everyone does not share the same idea of marriage. The big questions to address are: What do you and your mate expect from marriage and sex? Is he or she looking for a soul mate? Do you both want close intimacy in friendship, communication and sex?
Intelligence
Having similar education levels increases your chances of sharing matching school and social experiences, intellectual interests and career goals. What topics do you and your honey like to talk about? Conversation limited to sports or shopping may get boring to someone who likes to ponder philosophy and bluster about business.
The hottest couples don't just have great sex — they have embarrassing sex, and make-up sex, and wild, can't-walk-the-next-day sex, and more. And the thing is, every kind of sex is crucial for your bond – yes, even couldn't-quite-stay-awake- to-finish sex. Here's how.
1. Pushing-Your-Boundaries Sex
There's nothing like the moment when you're lying naked with the man you've known and loved for a long time, panting and puffing, thinking, Wow, we've never done that before.
"People in long-term relationships sometimes crave excitement and stimulation, but don't know how to get it with their partner," explains Meers, who adds that this is one of the reasons people stray outside the marriage. "But you can get that in your current relationship by pushing your regular comfort zone." If you're used to missionary, that may mean trying a new position or a new room in the house; if you're used to stimulation by body parts alone, it may be a sex toy thrown in the mix. And if you feel a little anxious about experimenting, says Meers, all the better: "The anxiety you feel about trying something new mimics what happens when you're with somebody new. So if you can create that feeling within the confines of an intimate, close, trusting relationship, you will keep reenergizing what you have."
And there's another important benefit: Pushing your boundaries helps build trust between you. "When you communicate a desire to your partner — and, ultimately, try it — you're taking a big risk together," says Anita Clayton, M.D., a professor at the University of Virginia's Department of Psychiatric Medicine and author of the book Satisfaction. Taking that risk, she says, is a bonding activity in and of itself.
2. Maintenance Sex
Let's face it — sex just isn't going to be an eye-gazing spiritual encounter every time. "Some couples think everything has to feel perfect, or you both have to be in a sexual mood to have sex, but if everyone waited for that, sex wouldn't happen very often at all," says Clayton. That's where maintenance sex comes in — when you just do it, even if your engine isn't necessarily raring for a ride.
Just-for-the-sake-of-it sex is vital to a long-term relationship, because no matter how much you love your family, your friends, or your kids, and no matter how much time you spend with them, you won't spend time like this with anyone else. "Sex is the one activity a couple has that excludes other people," says Clayton. "It keeps your bond unique and strong." By making a habit of it, you're building regular opportunities for connection into your lives.
Take it from Olivia, 33, a stay-at-home mom in New Jersey who relies on occasional maintenance sex to keep her relationship energized. "My husband always wants to do it, but as a new mom, I'm tired all the time," says Olivia. "But when I make the effort, I always feel closer to him afterward. Even if the sex is mediocre, it feels like we've come together and nothing can get in the way of our relationship."
And let's not forget how good regular sex is for you: It relieves stress, it burns calories, and it elevates your mood, says Meers. According to Olivia, it also keeps her sex drive steady: "Doing it sometimes when I'm not in the mood keeps me geared up for something much hotter other times."
3. Embarrassing-Moment Sex
It's bound to happen eventually: One of you emits an awkward grunt, your sweat-soaked skin slaps together in a cringe-inducing fashion, or your partner pulls or pushes in such a way as to create a "schluup" sound that both of you would like to forget. As mortifying as a moment like this may be — even with someone you've been with for a long time — it is a good reminder that sex is a raw, Discovery Channel kind of act. It's not supposed to be flawless. "Sex is full of smells and sights and sounds; it's natural," says Debra Herbenick, Ph.D., a researcher for the Kinsey Institute and associate director for the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University. "You're having sex with human bodies, and they do funny things sometimes, and that's okay."
And your ability to deal with a red-in-the-face moment — whether you laugh it off or give each other a sympathetic squeeze — says a lot about the strength of your bond. "True intimacy is about being able to feel comfortable and real with each other in awkward, embarrassing situations," says Ruth Morehouse, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist in Evergreen, CO.
Noelle, a 32-year-old grad student in Washington, DC, remembers her last embarrassing sex moment: "When my boyfriend pulled out, I had my first 'queef' moment, if I can use that word," says Noelle. "We'd been together two years by then, but we were both stunned and didn't know what to say. Finally I said, 'Whoops!' and we just carried on. I was almost relieved, like it was this big hurdle we finally got out of the way. And because, hey, it's normal."
4. Vacation Sex
"My husband and I had the best vacation sex recently in Hawaii," says Francine, a 36-year-old mother of two from New York City. "We were on the top floor of the resort, so we knew no one was above us to see or hear us. And the room had these huge floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the ocean. It felt like we were having sex outdoors, but without the nuisance of the sand going up our butts!"
Ah, yes, the turn-on effect of the tropics. And thank goodness for it, because vacation sex is a vital part of a good sex life. "On vacation, you're at your most carefree, which means you can try new things you won't have to be accountable for at home," says Meers. In other words, you can have sex on the beach or in a car, or flirt madly in a restaurant, or, like Francine, have what feels like sex in public — all of which you might not do at home, for fear someone you know would see you or find out. "Taking risks like this adds to the excitement," says Meers. And ideally, you can bring that burst of excitement back home with you.
The point is, if life in the bedroom is feeling blah, it's often your surroundings that are getting stale, not your partner. So if you haven't had vacation sex lately, do it! You don't need a plane ticket to get started: "Head to a hotel downtown and call it a vacation," says Meers, who often recommends vacation sex to her clients. "You can look forward to it and build it up beforehand for even better sex."
5. Slow-Road-to-Sleep Sex
We all know by now that it's the journey that really matters in life, not the destination. In sex, that means not every sexual experience should be focused on getting to the orgasm(s). But the truth is, not every sexual experience leads anywhere at all. Some nights, you start out on the journey and you'd like to keep going, but, boy, sleep sounds so darn good too...and that's when things peter out.
Luckily, the experts say this kind of sex is still good for your bond. "Even acknowledging that you want your partner is important, whether or not you follow through," says Meers. If you feel sleep coming on, Meers suggests you say to your partner, "'I love you so much and I want you.' Just saying it out loud, that counts for a lot too." In the meantime, you're just two warm bodies who love each other and appreciate that a sweet, simple touch can be enough for the night.
6. Make-up Sex
It's been said you shouldn't go to bed angry. And sometimes, you can take that to a different extreme, ensuring that after a fight you go to bed happy — very, very happy. Yes, we're talking about the wild and intense world of make-up sex, when one minute you're reeling from anger, and the next you're rolling around making passionate love. Make-up sex works because after a fight, you're raw, exposed, and vulnerable — perfect conditions for intense, soul-to-soul physical bonding. "In many ways, make-up sex restores a level of closeness that you may feel was fractured by the argument," says Clayton. "Sex can repair that fracture."
One commonsense caveat: "Some people pick fights in order to be able to make up," says Clayton. Other couples ignore their real problems and have sex instead. If the only time you're getting along is when you're in the sack, maybe you should take a break from the make-ups and face your issues with your clothes on first.
7. Comfort Sex
If you're feeling sad, depressed, grieving, alone, or hurt, sex can be the perfect antidote. Why? Because it's the opposite of all those things — it's about being close, warm, loving, and together. And because sometimes talking about your troubles or sadness isn't what you want, while sex can be.
"My husband's mom had Parkinson's and a stroke, my dad had major heart surgery, and my mom had Alzheimer's, so my husband and I have spent a lot of time in bed comforting each other," explains Beth, 57, a former teacher and stay-at-home mom in Chicago. "In those times, sometimes it's full-penetration sex, sometimes it's just snuggling, sometimes it's manually stimulating each other, but for us it's important. It makes you remember why you're living. If you focus on the bad stuff to the end, it's not worth it. You have to focus on what makes you want to get up every morning, what makes you want to go through every day. And part of that, for us, is the sex."
That desire for a connection is not only common, says Morehouse, it's important as a life-affirming act in the face of grief. "Sex is a way of declaring your aliveness," says Morehouse. "It's a way of defending yourself against the inevitability of death or loss." Usually, she says, comfort sex is "more poignant, more sweet, and perhaps more emotional than usual" because the desire to connect to life is so great.
And that thriving, healing act can also help people who feel torn apart from each other during a difficult period. "Grief tends to drive a wedge between couples," says Clayton, noting that partners sometimes blame themselves, or each other, during a loss. "I've seen couples break up because something bad happens, but sex can help restore the intimate relationship you have. Instead of letting grief pull you apart, you can use it to pull each other close again."
8. Crazy Hang-from-the-Chandelier Sex
You know what we're talking about: wild, sweaty, so-good-it-makes-you-dizzy sex. No matter how long you've been together, you need to have earthshaking sex like this once in a while — even if it's once in a very long while. For long-term couples, having an extra-hot sexual experience is "like a flashback," says Morehouse. "It can stimulate those early feelings you had toward someone in the beginning, and it reminds you what you're capable of as a couple."
"People think the steamy stuff only happens before you are married or pre-kids, but we are going on 25 years of marriage and still have passionate hot sex!" says Maureen, a self-employed New Jersey mother of three in her mid-40s. She remembers one recent night that felt as hot as the old flames. "I'd just finished cooking dinner, and no kids were home. When my husband came in, he said he was going upstairs to change. But as he kissed me, it evolved from just talking about the day to sex on the kitchen counter. It was totally spontaneous and unexpected!"
This kind of sex is also important on a deeper level. "It requires a lot of intimacy to let your partner see you in the throes of sexual abandon," explains Morehouse. "When you display that side of yourself, you have to deal with questions like, What if my face gets purple or my eyes go back in my head? To express a higher level of sensuality like this is another way of being intimate." And let's not forget how much a toe-curling orgasm does to keep your eyes bright and your soul smiling!
A standard maneuver during lovemaking for even uninitiated male lovers involves fondling and kissing the female partner's breasts, stimulating her nipples both manually and orally.
Female sexual arousal associated with the varied techniques used to stimulate the nipples is the stuff of urban legends. Nipple stimulation is usually assumed to be a sexual technique applied to women. Nipple stimulation in men tends to be thought of as kinky, as in some sado-masochistic piercing scenarios.
A recent study, however, indicates that many men as well as most women enjoy having their nipples stimulated. Dr. Roy Levin of University of Sheffield in the United Kingdom and Dr. Cindy Meston of the University of Texas at Austin surveyed approximately 300 sexually experienced undergraduate students. The results strongly indicate that men enjoy nipple stimulation as much as women.
Almost 82 percent of the women responding to the survey reported that stimulation of their nipples increased their sexual arousal, and 78 percent said that, if they were already sexually aroused, nipple stimulation increased their arousal. Among the men, about 52 percent reported that nipple stimulation increased their arousal, while about 40 percent indicated that if already aroused such stimulation would arouse them more. Interestingly, 59 percent of the women reported that they routinely asked to have their nipples stimulated during sex while only 17 percent of men did so.
Apparently, social stigma may still prevent men from asking for this form of sexual stimulation, even though many of them find it arousing and enjoyable.
You don't have to use a website to make money on the net. The are several ways to profit online without requiring an e-commerce website. Here's how:
Sell on eBay
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Sign Up Offers
There are many companies willing to pay people who sign up and try their offers. YOu can find these companies from Treasuretrooper.com. Anyone can join treasuretrooper free. Currently the site has over 300 paid offers in the database and most of the offers are targeted to US resident only. Earning per offer ranks from $0.50 to $35.00.
Write Article
There are many webmasters need new and fresh articles for publishing on their website. You can make extra money by supplying your articles to them. The remuneration usually are more than $5.00 per article. Here are some of the places that contain freelance writing opportunities:
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Paid Survey
Taking online paid survey is an old way to make money online but it can be a great source of extra income. To receive paid survey invitation frequently, you should join as many market survey companies as possible . Yellowsurveys.com is a website that provides a long list of survey companies that offer paid surveys. Since most of the survey companies are US based, so the paid survey invitations sent by these companies usually are targeted to US people only.
Post Message on Forum
If you have been discussing webmaster related topics in forums for free. YOu may think about joing webmastersroom forum and earn money for every message posted by you. The owner pays $0.05 per new thread opened and $0.02 per reply on any thread. In addition of that, the forum also shares AdSense revenue with members. The link to the forum is www.webmastersroom.com.
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Flixya.com and Thevideosense.com are two video sharing websites that allow members to earn AdSense commission by uploading their videos from YouTube and Google Video. Members AdSense ads will be displayed on all their video pages to generate AdSense revenue. The AdSense commission you can earn will depend on the page views of your video pages. The more page views the greater the earning.
Become a Paid Blogger
If you like to blog, you may consider becoming a paid blogger of a company or a blogger network. You can find a part-time or full-time blogging job that is right for you from http://jobs.problogger.net.
No one can deny that fashion has become part of our life. There are no boundaries or age limit to be fashion conscious. Fashion industry have grown ever so big that there are even so many fashion schools and one of them is fashion schools new york. The new york fashion schools, currently regarded as one of the top fashion school in new york, whereby yearly they provide graduates who have put their name in fashion map. Without fashion, probably today we are still wearing the stone age costume!
Bacterial vaginosis is the most common type of vaginal infection. To learn more about other common types, see the topics Vaginal Yeast Infections and Trichomoniasis.
What is bacterial vaginosis?
Bacterial vaginosis is a mild infection of the vagina caused by bacteria. Normally, there are a lot of “good” bacteria and some “bad” bacteria in the vagina. The good types help control the growth of the bad types. In women with bacterial vaginosis, the balance is upset. There are not enough good bacteria and too many bad bacteria.
Bacterial vaginosis is usually a mild problem that goes away on its own in a few days. But it can lead to more serious problems, so it’s a good idea to see your doctor and get treatment.
What causes bacterial vaginosis?
Experts are not sure what causes the bacteria in the vagina to get out of balance. But certain things make it more likely to happen. Your risk of getting bacterial vaginosis is higher if you:
- Have more than one sex partner.
- Have a female sex partner.
- Have a sexually transmitted disease (STD).
- Use an IUD for birth control.
- Douche.
You may be able to avoid bacterial vaginosis if you limit your number of sex partners and don't douche.
Bacterial vaginosis is more common in women who are sexually active, but it is not something you catch from another person.
What are the symptoms?
The most common symptom is a smelly vaginal discharge. It may look grayish white or yellow. A sure sign of bacterial vaginosis is a "fishy" smell, which may be worse after sex. About half of women who have bacterial vaginosis do not notice any symptoms.
Many things can cause abnormal vaginal discharge, including some sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). See your doctor so you can be tested and get the right treatment.
How is bacterial vaginosis diagnosed?
Doctors diagnose bacterial vaginosis by asking about the symptoms, doing a pelvic exam, and taking a sample of the vaginal discharge. The sample can be tested to find out if you have bacterial vaginosis.
What problems can bacterial vaginosis cause?
Bacterial vaginosis usually does not cause other health problems. But it can lead to serious problems in some cases.
- If you have it when you are pregnant, it increases the risk of miscarriage, early (preterm) delivery, and uterine infection after pregnancy.
- If you have it when you have a pelvic procedure such as a C-section, abortion, or hysterectomy, you are more likely to get a pelvic infection.
- If you have it and you are exposed to a sexually transmitted disease (including HIV), you are more likely to catch the disease.
Getting treated with antibiotics can help prevent these problems.
How is it treated?
Doctors usually prescribe an antibiotic to treat bacterial vaginosis. The ones used most often are metronidazole and clindamycin. They come as pills you swallow or as a cream or capsules (called ovules) you put in your vagina. If you are pregnant, you will need to take pills.
Bacterial vaginosis usually clears up in 2 or 3 days with antibiotics, but treatment goes on for 7 days. Do not stop using your medicine just because your symptoms are better. It is important to take the full course of antibiotics.
If you are treated with antibiotics:
Avoid all alcohol use if you are taking metronidazole. This includes over-the-counter medicines that contain alcohol, such as NyQuil. Mixing alcohol and metronidazole can cause severe nausea and vomiting.
Don't trust condoms or diaphragms if you use antibiotic creams or ovules. These treatments have an oil that can weaken latex. This can cause condoms and diaphragms to fail.
Antibiotics usually work well and have few side effects. But taking them can lead to a vaginal yeast infection. A yeast infection can cause itching, redness, and a lumpy, white discharge. If you have these symptoms, talk to your doctor about what to do.
1. Run 1 Mile in Somebody else's Shoes, then run another mile in your own. Not only will you appreciate your shoes, you'll have endorphines flowing through your veins to a level that will not permit hostility to fester.
2. Give something away to someone you don't like. Their indebtedness to you cures many angry woes.
3. Practice random acts of kindness, just to throw off your enemies.
4. Do NOT respond to negative energy with negative energy, because neg + neg = you both lose. Remember that people who are negative to you, are only responding to how they feel inside, and you don't have to accept their negative energy. Respond with love. Try it.
5. If you have negative energy, go take a hot bath or sauna, and let it dissipate before you share it with others. No one really cares about negative energy you might have, so why share it?
6. Get some exercise. Negative energy can creep up on you when your life is out of balance, and getting physical is a super way to dissipate the heat/negative emotions you might be having.
7. Raise your standards now. How can you be negative when you've decided that is not how you want to live your life?
Bonus Tip:
Try changing your physiology. You'll find that it is hard to be negative when you are smiling, looking straight up or laughing.
One of the staple foods of the famously long-lived centenarians in the Hunza valley of the Himalayas is the apricot. Here is some information about apricots and one great way to work them into your diet for your health and longevity.
Apricots: the Secret Anti-Aging Weapon
Research shows that of any food, apricots possess the highest levels and widest variety of carotenoids. Carotenoids are antioxidants that help prevent heart disease, reduce "bad cholesterol" levels, and protect against cancer. In traditional Chinese medicine, apricots are considered helpful in regenerating body fluids, detoxifying, and quenching thirst.
The kernels also have several healthy properties, including toning the respiratory system and alleviating a cough. However, be cautioned that the tip of the apricot holds a concentrated amount of the chemical laetrile, which can be upsetting to the system. To safely reap the benefits of apricot kernels, remove the tips of the seeds and do not eat more than five a day.
Dr. Mao's Honey-Glazed Masala Chicken with Apricots
Serves 4
Many of our everyday cooking seasonings are actually spices and herbs that possess powerful healing properties. Many spices such as cinnamon, coriander and ginger have been clinically shown to prevent blood clots and improve circulation. One of my favorites is the Indian spice blend masala. It is not "tongue-burning" but rather a gentle, tummy warming spice mix that improves digestion, absorption and helps reduce abdominal bloat.
Masala chicken is a popular Indian dish. People not used to the spiciness of masala may find it a little strong. Adding apricots gives it a mild sweet-and-sour taste, balancing the spiciness of the masala.
Ingredients
3 lbs boneless chicken pieces (thigh and breast)
2 tbsp olive oil
2 medium onions, sliced
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 inch piece of peeled fresh ginger, finely chopped
1 1/2 tsp masala spice (ground cumin, cinnamon, clove, bay leaf, peppercorn, coriander, cardamom)
2 tbsp tomato puree
1 tsp fine sea salt
2 tbsp rice vinegar
10 dried apricots
2 tbsp honey
Parsley, for garnish
Directions
Cut chicken into 2-inch pieces. Heat oil over medium heat in a deep skillet. Add onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until softened.
Stir in garlic, ginger and masala. Add chicken and stir-fry until cooked through, about 5 minutes.
Add tomato puree, salt and 1 cup water; bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low, cover and simmer 20 minutes.
Add vinegar and apricots to skillet, cover and simmer 15 minutes more. Transfer to a serving platter, drizzle honey over top and garnish with parsley, if desired.
I hope you incorporate apricots into your diet as your own anti-aging secret weapon. I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.
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Do you wake up in the morning feeling well-rested and energized? Or is the feeling you have when the alarm clock goes off closer to the beginning stages of recovery from an all-night bender?
Sometimes you can wake up feeling groggy, light headed, and exhausted, even though you just got eight, nine, or even ten hours of sleep. It makes you wonder how you can get a good night’s sleep and feel horrible the next morning, yet sometimes you only get a few hours and wake up feeling great.
If this is happening to you, you need to make some changes to ensure a night of peaceful slumber that will leave you feeling revved up and ready to go. Try these things to give yourself a burst of morning energy and ensure you wake up feeling motivated and ready to go.
Fix Your Diet: There are substances you consume every day in your diet that will have a direct reflection upon how you feel the next morning. Caffeine is the biggest offender, followed by sugar. In addition to causing highs and lows with your blood sugar, they affect your body’s hormone production, which directly affects how well you sleep. Combined together they make a cocktail that is surely guaranteed to kick your butt in the morning. If you must drink coffee – and many of us must – make sure you only have it in the morning, and try to limit it to one cup. Keep in mind that a Venti Starbucks is like having about three cups of home brewed.
What you eat can affect your sleep as well. An old rule of thumb was to not eat after six o’clock in the evening. Eat a light meal at night loaded with fresh veggies. It not only fits in with healthy eating habits, but your body will sleep better if it is not burdened with digesting a heavy meal.
Exercise: Some good aerobic exercise is not only great for your heart, lungs, and overall health, but getting a dose of daily exercise will do two other things for you as well. It will give you a burst of natural adrenalin during the day, helping to clear your head and boost your energy levels. Your motivation level rises significantly when you are getting regular exercise. It will also help you sleep more soundly at night. You do not have to get fancy with your exercise, either. Go for a run or a brisk walk, or jump on the stair stepper for half of an hour. Just try to get at least 30 to 60 minutes of exercise most days of the week. This single positive change can do more for helping your sleep than any other thing you can do.
Establish a Morning Routine: Rather than throwing the dice to decide what time you are going to wake up each day, decide upon a set time that works well for you and stick to it. Set your alarm clock so your body learns that it needs to wake up every day at a certain time. You can actually train your body to wake up on its own after you have been doing this for a while – you might notice you start waking up on your own one minute before the alarm is supposed to sound. When this happens, your body has been programmed to wake at a certain time.
Have an enjoyable morning routine as well. Whether you prefer to get up and get your exercise in right away, or you enjoy reading the newspaper with a hot cup of herbal tea, find something pleasurable to do before you have to start getting ready for work.
It should not take too many changes for you to be able to wake up feeling great. Shake off your bad habits and kick that morning hangover out the window. If you do have days where you wake up feeling groggy and lacking any motivation to get out of bed, accept that you will survive, and get going. Keeping your morning schedule is another one of the biggest positive changes you can make to jump start your day.
Easter is just a few weeks away. Every year, I will promise myself to go back to my hometown regardless how busy am I. This year is no exception. Mom have been calling me last week a couple of times reminding me. She's a bit worry that I might not be able to come back due to my tight working schedule. Ever since I left California, my family back home particularly my mom miss me a lot. Because for the first time in her life that I have left her to earn a living somewhere else. Initially she was having some hard time accepting the fact that I wasn't be right by her side. Now she's feeling better but still at times she will call me if there's any chance for me to come back.
I do feel guilty as I did not fulfill my responsibility as her son. The very day I left her, I make it a point that I'll spend quality time with her on any special event. One of it is Easter. This year, I'm planning to get her something special using CouponChief.com. In CouponChief.com I can give myself an opportunity to shop the items that I would like to purchase. They are offering variety of discount coupons such as Dell coupon, Swissgear coupon and many more. The advantage of CouponChief.com is that the discount offer by them on branded items are unbelivably low, whereby you can't find it elsewhere. I consider myself as a repeat customer who never fail to come back for more. Surfers who often do online shopping should know who is CouponChief.com. CouponChief.com no need any further introduction. You don't believe it? You better do!
The comedian George Carlin once said, "If God had intended us not to masturbate, he would have made our arms shorter."
The implication of this humorous remark is that masturbation is a very natural and beneficial act that can relieve sexual tension and provide relaxation and pleasure for both men and women. Yet I've always been intrigued by how many of the men and women I see in therapy are ashamed to admit they masturbate.
Few people have a problem admitting to manual stimulation by a sexual partner, an act that is considered acceptable sexual behavior. However, many of the same individuals will not admit to touching themselves in a sexual way when they are alone.
Particularly men seem to regard masturbation as a desperate act, the only alternative when they are either not in a sexual relationship or when they aren't having regular sex with their wives or partners. Many adolescent boys, in a cruder reflection of the same basic attitude, ridicule masturbation as a last resort act among their peers.
The truth is that masturbation is an extremely healthy behavior for both men and women. As Truman Capote is rumored to have observed in defense of masturbation, "you don't have to dress up for it."
A lot of consumers don't bring much cash with them when they are out for shopping. One of them is me. Why? The reason is very simple. If you happen to lose your wallet, then all your hard earn money will be missing too. Therefore people like me often bring credit cards along. But then again, there are so many credit cards company around, which one is the best? It depends on individual preference. As for me, I prefer credit card with rewards. So that once I have compiled enough credit card points, I can redeem some cool stuff with those points. But of course credit card companies got so much to offer such as balance transfers, online banking services, estimated interest, fraud protection and security. Credit card application process also can be pretty fast too. Mine only took me less than a week. Cash or credit card? Your call!
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Do you ever wonder whose job it is to do some of the less desirable things in life? If you think about it, there’s a job doing almost anything, no matter how exciting, disgusting or just plain weird it may seem.
For example, remember when you stuck your wad of gum underneath the seat of a roller coaster so you wouldn’t choke? That sticky mess didn’t just disappear – a gum buster scraped it off, using a special steaming tool that removes gum stuck to various surfaces.
Think about all those times your golf ball didn’t make it over the water. Did you think the fish ate them? Nope, a golf ball diver, who scours the depths of bodies of water on golf courses to find lost golf balls to refinish and resell, got it.
Many Americans dominate the corporate working world, but don’t forget about those who took the road less traveled. Through photography in her books, “Odd Jobs” and “Odder Jobs,” Nancy Rica Schiff portrays people working jobs you probably won’t find in the Sunday classifieds.
They aren’t your run-of-the-mill doctors, lawyers and the like. Some are simple, some complex; some are common, some one in a million – but one thing’s for sure – they are all (extremely) unusual.
Here are 20 odd jobs portrayed in Rica Schiff’s books.
1. Breath odor evaluator
What they do: Odor judges smell nasty morning breath or breath “insulted” with strong scents, like garlic or coffee. They rate the breath on a scale from one to nine, one being the worst. To test odor-reducing products like gum or mouthwash, they smell the breath again and assign it a new rating.
2. Diener
What they do: Prepare cadavers for the pathologist before autopsies are performed in hospitals.
3. Ribbon candy puller
What they do: After a heated combination of sugar, corn syrup, water and coloring agent has cooled, batches of different colors are laid out side by side. Someone then pulls the candy thin until it’s about an inch wide. The final product is a multicolored hard candy.
4. Ocularist
What they do: In short, they paint artificial eyes. It sounds easier than it is, since as with real eyes, no two are exactly the same.
5. Flatulence smell-reduction underwear maker
What they do: Create underwear that protects against bad human gas for people who suffer from gastrointestinal problems. The underwear is made with various materials and filters to help remedy hydrogen sulfide gases, the main offender in foul smells.
6. Beer tester
What they do: Taste – and spit out – beer all day to approve new and existing flavors.
7. Crack filler
What they do: Using a silicone sealant, they repair the wear and tear inflicted on monumental structures, like Mount Rushmore.
8. Ball tester
What they do: Assess basketballs, footballs, volleyballs and soccer balls for air-retention, inflation, roundness, weight and reboundability.
9. Video game tester
What they do: For eight hours a day, five days a week, a group of males and females of all ages play video games. They repeat levels, games and characters, looking for any bugs and/or glitches in the software.
10. Tampon tester
What they do: Check all sizes of tampons for absorbency and cord strength in accordance with Food and Drug Administration standards. Most testers check up to 125 pieces per day.
11. Gold reclaimer
What they do: Scour old teeth for fillings, melting the gold from them with broken gold jewelry into tiny gold pellets, which are then resold to jewelers.
12. Dog sniffer
What they do: Once a week, they analyze the odor of dogs' breath to test the effect of the animals' diet on their teeth. Breath is graded on a scale of zero to 10 and is categorized as sweaty, salty, musty, fungal or decaying.
13. Potato chip inspector
What they do: Search for overcooked or clumped chips to discard as they come down the assembly line.
14. Porta-potty servicer
What they do: Like regular restrooms, portable toilets need maintenance, too. Once a week, service workers clean these single-stall facilities to achieve certain standards of sanitation.
15. Barbie dress designer
What they do: Fashion designers at Mattel Toys, the company behind Barbie, create hundreds of new styles for Barbie and her ever-expanding entourage.
16. Wax figure maker
What they do: Mold wax to create figures, often for, but not limited to, the human form. Figures are often made in the likeness of people who have achieved historical or celebrity recognition.
17. Safecracker
What they do: When combinations are lost or forgotten, safecrackers use their ears and fingers to open the safe.
18. Wig maker
What they do: Put simply, they make wigs, but the process is anything but simple. First, wig makers create a plastic model of the wearer’s head and hairline, and then they transfer the mold onto a padded canvas similar to the client’s general head size, covering it with wig lace. Using a needle, they knot and pull thousands of hairs, one by one, through the mesh cap. Once all the hairs are in place, the wig is styled to the wearer’s preference.
19. Paper towel sniffer
What they do: Paper towel manufacturers prefer their products to be odorless before, during and after their use. Naturally, paper towel sniffers ensure that once a paper towel is used, there is no noticeable scent.
20. Foley artist
What they do: Use whatever they can find to create and record the noises used to make the sound effects in films, like heavy footsteps, rolling thunder or creaking doors.
Penis-enlargement products and procedures aren't difficult to find. Men's magazines, sports radio shows and Internet sites are filled with ads for pumps, pills, weights, exercises and surgeries — many of which claim to increase the length and girth of your penis.
There are plenty of opportunists trying to convince you that your penis is too small — and they are often promoting just the miracle solution to fix it. These solicitations are based on stereotypes about men's insecurities.
If you are like the vast majority of men who wonder if their penis size is normal, the answer is — yes. While some men do fall for the hype and are looking for a way to enlarge their penis, it generally isn't a good idea. No scientific research supports the use of any nonsurgical method to enlarge the penis — and no reputable medical society endorses penis-enlargement surgery performed for purely cosmetic reasons. Because many of these techniques can damage your penis and some may even cause impotence, think twice before trying any of them.
Penis size: What's normal, what's not?
Most likely, your size is within the normal range. Studies show the average penis measures between 3 and 4 inches when flaccid and between 5 and 7 inches when erect. A penis is considered abnormally small only if it measures less than 3 inches when erect (a condition called micropenis) — but even then, researchers have documented many cases in which men with micropenises have been fully capable of having satisfactory sex and fathering children.
Most men who think their penis is abnormally small actually have normal-sized penises. In recent studies, hundreds of men who sought the advice of their doctor because of concern about the size of their penis all had penises that measured in the normal range.
How partners view penis size
Advertisers would have you believe that your partner cares deeply about penis size. While some women say it matters, most women say size is unimportant. Advertisements would also have you believe that gay men are obsessed with penis size. But in most cases, penis size is a matter of personal preference for both you and your partner.
A penis that is too big may not be an advantage during sex. During intercourse, the tip of a long penis can strike a woman's cervix and cause pain for a woman. And most of the sensitive nerves of the vagina are located close to the opening — where penis length isn't an issue. If your partner suggests your penis is too small, discuss creative ways to deliver sexual satisfaction.
Unless your partner tells you otherwise, assume that you're fine just the way you are. Understanding your partner's physical and emotional needs and desires is much more likely to improve your sexual relationship than trying to change the size of your penis.
Be wary of penis enlargement techniques
Marketers offer many different types of nonsurgical penis enlargement, and often promote them with serious-looking advertisements that include endorsements from "scientific" researchers.
But if you look and read closely, you'll see that claims of safety and effectiveness are groundless. No reputable scientific research validates any type of nonsurgical penis enlargement, so marketers rely on testimonials, skewed data and before-and-after photos that often aren't authentic.
At the bottom of such advertisements, you'll usually find a sentence such as "These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA)." Indeed, the FDA, the government agency that regulates medications and medical devices, has never approved any medications or devices for enlarging a penis.
Be wary of these common and ineffective penis enlargement techniques, some of which can result in serious damage:
1. Manual squeezing exercises (jelquing). These exercises, which use a hand-over-hand motion to push blood from the base to the head of a semierect penis, are supposed to be performed on a regular basis. Although this technique may be safer than other methods, it can lead to scar formation, pain and disfigurement. There are no scientific studies that indicate this technique is effective at increasing penis size.
2. Stretching with weights. This technique, which involves wearing weights on the flaccid penis, may cause permanent penile damage. There's no scientific evidence that this technique increases penis size.
3.Vacuum pumps. Because pumps draw blood into the penis and make it swell, they're useful in the treatment of impotence (erectile dysfunction). This may create an illusion of a larger penis, but results are seldom permanent. Repeated use can damage elastic tissue in the penis, leading to less-firm erections.
Pills and lotions. These usually contain vitamins, minerals, herbs or hormones such as testosterone that claim to enlarge the penis. None of these products has been shown to be effective.
Surgical methods of penis enlargement — not for cosmetic use
Some surgeons have developed several different enlargement techniques, none of them endorsed by medical organizations. The American Urological Association, the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery and the American Society of Plastic Surgeons(ASPS) have all issued policy statements against cosmetic surgical procedures to enhance the penis.
A few different techniques are used to lengthen a penis. All of them are experimental. There aren't enough studies of penis augmentation surgery to give an accurate picture of results and risks of complications.
One procedure to lengthen the penis involves severing the suspensory ligament that attaches the penis to the pubic bone and moving skin from the abdomen to the penile shaft. When this ligament is cut, the penis may look longer because more of it hangs down. But cutting the suspensory ligament can cause an erect penis to be unstable and position itself at odd angles, particularly when erect.
Another operation advances a skin flap from the pubic area onto the penis. This procedure can lead to severe deformities, such as hair growth on the base of the penis, scarring and other problems.
Some procedures to make the penis thicker involve suctioning fat from a fleshy part of the body and injecting the fat into the penis. Another technique is simply to graft fat cut away from the buttocks or abdomen onto the penile shaft. Some practitioners use tissue from cadavers.
None of these techniques has been proved to be safe or effective. The ASPS considers injecting fat into the penis of unproven benefit and unknown safety. Potential risks of these techniques include infection, loss of sensation in the skin, excessive bleeding and loss of penile function. While this may increase penis girth, the body can reabsorb the fat over time and cause an irregular contour to the penis. In one study, less than a third of the injected fat remained after one year following injection.
When the suspensory ligament is cut, the penis may look longer because more of it hangs outside the body.
Surgery is risky, costly and unlikely to produce satisfactory results
Studies have shown that the majority of men who undergo penis enlargement surgery aren't satisfied with the results. Surgery may at best add an average of half an inch to the length of the flaccid penis. Surgery may not add any length to the erect penis.
Following various types of cosmetic penile enhancement surgery, some men have had to undergo additional operations to correct deformities caused by the original procedure. The ill effects include scarring, a shorter penis, hair on the base of the penis, a low-hanging penis, loss of sensitivity and abnormal fat lumps. Other complaints include impotence (erectile dysfunction), urinary incontinence and persistent pain.
Then there's the cost: as much as $10,000 for a typical penis-enlargement surgery that doesn't require additional corrective surgery. Because cosmetic surgery is seldom covered by insurance, you'll likely have to bear the entire expense.
When surgery may be an option
There are procedures for reconstructing penises that have been amputated or damaged by circumcisions, animal bites, motor vehicle accidents and physical assaults, among other causes. A penis can be constructed in sex-change operations and to correct birth defects.
A few things that might help?
While there is no safe, effective way to enlarge your penis, there are a few things you can do if you're concerned about your penis size:
1.Communicate with your partner. It may be hard to break old habits or to have an open dialogue about you and your partner's sexual preferences. But you'll be glad you did — and you may be surprised at the spark it puts back in your sex life.
Get in shape. Enhance your appearance in other ways. Regular exercise can make a big difference. Better physical conditioning may not only make you look better, it can also give you more strength and endurance during sex.
2. Lose the belly. The place that size might help the most is less belly — not more penis. If your lower abdomen hangs over your genitalia, you might look as if you have a shorter, smaller penis than you actually do. Fat can obscure some or much of the upper part of the penis. For this, the best treatment is to achieve a healthy weight.
3. Trim your pubic hair. A lot of pubic hair around the base of your penis can make your penis look shorter. Trimming may not only make your penis look bigger but may also increase sensitivity around the base of your penis.
4. Talk to your doctor or a counselor. Feeling unhappy about the size of your penis is a common problem. A certified counselor, psychologist, psychiatrist or your family doctor can help. Many men feel better with reassurance that they are "normal" or with advice about how to better satisfy their partner without resorting to cosmetic penis enlargement.
The bottom line
Many men think they have a small penis, and increasing the size of their penis will make them a better lover or make them more attractive. But chances are your penis is within the normal size range — and even if it is smaller than average, it may not matter as much as you thought. Consider other options before you resort to time-consuming, expensive or dangerous techniques that will be minimally effective at best. The most effective solution may be as easy as open communication with your partner, talking with a professional counselor or enhancing yourself in other ways.
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