adios 2006...

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2006 is a year full with ups and downs for me. A lot surprises jump into my life. Most of it doesn't turn out to be quite well, it a sense that it became a challenge to me. It took my another level of my life in my view of fact acceptance. Generally I wouldn't say it's bad afterall. It's just part of learning curve. I still stick with the believe, "after rain, there's always rainbow".

Career...

Not much to shout about. Running a few projects, that's so far so good. No major achievement as there's just too much of politics roaming in and out my project. I don't have a comfortable feeling when talking to my colleagues. The sense of friendship is at the limited end. Just kept a pretty low profile by earning a decent living.

Family...

Health conditions hit badly on my parents. Dad went through a major heart operation, while asthma frequent visit my mom. My worrying heart tell me they are doing fine and yes, with god blessing they are doing fine now. Ta mei, siao mei and momo are doing fine. Ta mei, got a good job, siao mei is excel in her studies while momo going to get married with Vincent.

Health...

This can be my best achievement in 2006. No major health issue on me, with a satisfactory stamina driving me running on the pitch.

Friends...

Make a few wonderful net friends such as May Ling and Jesmeen. People always say net friends are not trustworthy, but their existance prove it wrong. Hang out a few times with them, and I often tell myself I'm a lucky chap am I?

Relationship...

Finally it's all over after 8 years. My life hit rock bottom. This is one of the toughest reality that I need to face. But I learn that love someone doesn't mean that you need to be with her/him. Went to temple this early morning to make my prayers with the blessing to my family and to "her" as well..."May she found a new love in life and live happily ever after..."

Looking forward...

I'm looking forward for a fruitful 2007 in all my upcomings. Hope for a brighter career, healthier life and with gods willing maybe meet someone that's going to cherish life together. I'm ready to give love a 2nd chance...

pretty soon...i guess...

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one challenge after another. everyday is a challenge to me. is it a test from god? or a learning curve for me? it do caught me by surprise. now i'm began to worry about tomorrow. i wanted to stop the time from moving now. i doesn't want to face the rising sun. i just want to hold the moon. with my palms together, i pray. i tell myself everything's going to be fine. i kept telling my subconscious mind, the right thing will come on the right time... i'm taking a long deep breath, feeling the air in air and slowly let the air roll out from me. yes...i'm breathing. the air helps to stabilized my blood flow. my focus began to sharpen... i'm taking one thing at a time. what i want to do now is to settle my house. once everything is fine, it will be the time for me to leave. i'm not sure where will i go, but my feeling tell me, pretty soon...i guess...if only i could put my heart down...

mud of pain...

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did not sleep too well last nite. blew up while chatting with jesmeen. doesn't know why of the sudden blow up when the past is being raised. after the chat, i think through. what i did was wrong. shouldn't have throw my patience away. jesmeen was there trying to calm things down. i was so wrong to left the f@#$ words flying all over for every single sentence. i'm sorry to jesmeen for involving her in my outburst. i always tell myself to live and forget. where i'm trying to. that is why i'm trying to bury myself with work. this is the way to help me to forget my my past...

i'm just feeling frus and dissapointed where i believe "she" don't married for love. i believe she just married for the sake of everyone is doing it or probably married because of material needs...

anyway, it doesn't matter to me anymore. career is on my side. all i need to do is to focus on my career. if i don't my mind will be left to wonder in the mud of pain again...

The meaning of true love...

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i just read a very good story. it's titled the meaning of true love...

Ever since the beginning..... The girl member disagree her relationship with the boy. Saying that because of family background, if she insist of being together with the boy, she'll suffer for herwhole life time... Because of the pressure applied by family members, frequently quarrel with him. The girl does love the boy, she used to ask him..."How much do you love me?"

Because the boy is not good with words, he used to make her angry. With additional comment from her parents, her mood get even worse. The boy, has become her anger releasing target. And the boy, just silently allowed her to continuously release her anger on him... Later, the boy graduated from University. He plan further study overseas but before he left... He proposed to the girl... I, don't know how to say nice words; but I do know that, I love you. If you agree, I am willing to take care of you, the whole life. About your family members, I will work hard to convince them and agree on us. Marry me, will you?...the girl agreed. And her parents, looking at the effort shown by the boy, agreed with them. Finally, before the boy go oversea, they are engaged. The girl stay back in the hometown, step into the working society; whereas the boy continuing his study oversea... They maintained their relationship through telephone and letters. Although time is difficult to get through with, but both of them never give up. One day, the girl left home for work as usual; on her way to the bus stop, a car lose control and knock her down. As she awake from unconsciousness, she saw her parents and realize how seriously... she got hurt and how fortunate of her, not to get killed. Looking at her parents, with their faced got all wet by their tears, she tried to comfort them. But then, she found out.... She can't even spell out a word, she tried her best to make some voice but all she managed, was to breath without any voice. She's mute... According to the doctor, the injury affected her brain, and that cause her to be mute for the rest of her life. Listening to her parents persuade, but can't even reply with a single word, the girl collapsed... Throughout the days, others than crying silently, still it is crying... Later, the girl discharged from hospital. Returning to her home, everything is still like before. Except that the phone ring, has turned into the worst nightmare of hers. Ring after ring, continuously stimulate her, stimulating her pain... But she can't tell the boy. She don't want to be a burden to him, and wrote him a letter... Telling him that she no longer want to wait, the relationship between them ended, and even returned him the engagement ring. Facing the letters and telephone from the boy, all she can do, is to allow tears falling from her eyes... Her father decided to move, after seeing the pain she is suffering. Hoping that she could forget everything and be happier...Changing to a new environment, the girl started to learn, slowly picking up sign language and start over again... Also telling herself to forget the boy... One day, her best friend tell her that the boy back. He's searching all around for her, she asked her best friend not to tell him about her and asked him to forget her. Later... There's never news about the boy, for more than a year. Her best friend tells her, that the boy is getting married soon, and passed the Wedding Card to her. She open the card sadly, but she found her name on the card. The moment she want to ask her best friend, the boy appear in front of her. With an unfamiliar sign language, he told her....I spent more than a year a time, to force myself to learn sign language, in order to tell you, I have not forget our promise, give me opportunity, let me be your voice. I L O V E Y O U. Looking at the slow sign language by the boy, and the engagement ring she gave back to him... She finally smiled. Treat every love as last love... and only then, know how to give... Treat every day as last day... and only then, learn how to appreciate... Don't ever give up as God never give up from loving you...

christmas...

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spend my weekend and tomorrow working. christmas make no exception for me too. i doesn't know how am i going to spend this christmas. wanted to visit portuguese settlement, but it's heavily jammed. besides, tomorrow i'll be going to office early, i guess i might as well rest early tonite... on my previous few years, i'll be visiting church on christmas eve. i'm ain't christian, but i love the environment. watching performance by kids with some beautiful songs makes me feel life is just simply wonderful. but this year is slightly different where i'll be alone... nowadays everyday is a working day for me. a lot of projects keep coming in plus some management change. my work need to step into aggresive gear. a lot of things need to catch up with timeline. my dad is doing well, my mom is feeling well and i can put my heart at rest. i'm planning to dedicate my time on my engineering work...all i want is to prove to myself that i can find my old self and do it again...

confession of pain...

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malacca is such a small world. everyone knows everybody. just got back from my colleague open house. by incident, i met with a few friends where i did not met for ages. manage to speak to a few of them. enjoy myself with some nice food plus a couple of beers. my very own pre-christmas celebration...

i just read a preview of "confession of pain". it looks like a good movie. not sure how good it was, but the acting cast is definitely impressive. tony leung and takeshi kaneshiro are the leading actors. wanted to go for this movie in cinema, but thinking of going alone, make me reverse my idea. better wait for dvd instead :0)

god almigthy

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when people say god is almighty, it's turn out to be very true. what you are doing today, someone up there is always watching. for the first time in my life, i witness the worst disaster in malacca...flood. for the past few days, the rain doesn't stop. and it just keep on raining and raining. malacca suddenly become "water world"... it's just getting worst. people start to evacuate their home, heavy traffic everywhere, business stops, river overflows... this is one of the worst thing that ever happen. a lot of people are homeless...

yvonne foong...

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i found a website called www.yvonnefoong.com accidentally while browing the net. to my surprise, her life story became a an unsung inspiration to me. illness doesn't stop her from writing. my heart wrench when i read "finding mother when i need her most".

those touching words makes me feel her pain. supposingly i'm not having a good day, but yvonne's story overcome my day... she wrote a book titled "i'm not sick, just a bit unwell". she's sick and yet found strength to write a book. frankly speaking i haven't read the book myself, but my feelings tell me it's going to be a touching book...

leave...

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it's cold tonite. just after a heavy rain. feel like going for a jog, but the weather hold me back. i'm looking outside the window...clouds is dark. the urge of going for vacation is coming again. though i just came back, but the moment i step in office, i just feel a sense of restriction...

browse through the travel net, i'm planning a hideout in some quite islands. 2 islands came into my mind...koh samui or koh phi phi. island is the place where i could find something in me. a lot of people doesn't completely understand themself...even myself. sometimes i'm just disillustionized, drown myself blurly. a few years back, i wouldn't have put a lot of thoughts about my life. but now at riping age of 30, my mind mold into a maturity form. more thoughtful, more considerate and maybe more caring. however one drastic change in myself, is probably my tempermant. people who knew me, now and then will believe what am i saying. incidents make me change. i'm looking at different perspective of life now...

rain still drizzling out there. haven't desice when and where i'll be going. might just pack my stuff and depart alone on tomorrow. most likely this will not be the case...

knock knock..."you got a mail"

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christmas is hitting the corner soon. i have been cracking my which eCards should i send. while browsing the net, i saw something that caught my attention. I saw something showing "free Christmas cards". when i click on it, wow! there are top 10 free christmas card can be send. these eCards are also hilarious and funny. i'm pretty sure by sending one of these cards to my loved ones, it's going to make their day... :0)

probably people might asked me..."hey, why are you sending eCards instead of real one???" well, to me, eCards is fast, with animation, can be customized, you can send it in the last minute and most importantly it can be saved with repeatable play. ehhh... not bad ya... :0)

no anger...except my blessing...

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"please don't keep in touch with me...i'll be getting married..." the moment i read these words, i doesn't know how to react. i got no other intention, but just hope to remain a friendship...

i'm surprised by the email. in less than a year of breakup, she finally rang the wedding bell not with me, but with someone who can meet her all her needs...

"xiong, don't feel too bad...if it's yours it will always be yours...probably fate was not on your side, but doesn't mean fate would abandon you..." i smile at my mom...

i'm not sure if she would invite me for her wedding. if she really do, i'll try my best to attend. i hope to give my sincere wishes to her in person...because it's the fact that i would like to face through. i want to witness an even of a beautiful new life. 8 years of relationship just like a dream. end with a wonderful marriege.

this early morning, in the temple, with my eyes closed on my knees...i whisper with my heart...i pray for the best to her...i hold no anger...except my blessing...

yeee haaa...cameron highlands...

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Cameron Highlands, one of the place that i'm longing for. always wanted to visit when i was young. finally it's a dream come true for me. the nite before my departure i'm very excited about the trip and end up did not sleep too well the nite before...where i snores loudly on there...hahaha the drive makes my head spinning. a lot of blind turnings, slopes...my god...it really test my driving skills maximum. it took me 5 hours drive from malacca to the hotel. upon my arrival, mr. vello, the hotel owner show me the place i'm staying...and guess what??? then i saw a big signage where it shows..."krs retirement home"...what???!!! holy cow...i'm not here to retire!

my retirement home..*sob sob* krs pines...where are the words "retirement home"??? my crib on 2nd floor...my wife on ground floor... :0)

then i realise it was former an old folks home, where it was converted to a guest house. besides it's only RM50 per nite...what the heck! no complaints for me as it's strategically located with only minutes walk to restaurants, banks, clean rooms and placed on the hill side. at nite it was bloody cold! to me, i simply love this place. the scenery is decorated with green vegetations. just give me a soothing peace of mind, definitely a great hide out. visited a few cool places...and the fresh strawberrys really smells good!

my plants....fat hope! hehe

ladies and gentlemen...let me introduce....the gila ba-bees... :0) candid video shot of bharat plantation...

bharat tea plantation...

flowers, flowers and flowers...

greeen green lettuce...

what kinda alien flower is this???

this trip end up with screwing up my camera...gezzzz... there goes my fx7 :0( ...went to fotokem a few days ago, to see if it can still be saved. but it cost at least RM400 to change the complete lense block. haiii...shouldn't have shot the water fall. i slip and my camera knocked on the rocks... with RM400, i might as well get a new one. need to source for a new camera again...

bye bye fx7... :~0( **sob sob**

michael's wedding...

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michael finally become prince of the day. everyone is very happy for him including myself. i woke up particularly early as i'm the driver. for the first time i'm driving e200. and i almost crash neighbours gate while reversing...hehe...

my mom is very happy. so does my aunt...

mom, jamie, momo, karen, siao mei, ah girl, ta mei

ah xiong, karen, michael, andy

what is ah boy doing here???

ah girl so happy...my little princess

jamie, andy

wei yuen, bf

vincent, momo

robin, ah xiong

this wedding really make my day. it give me an opportunity to meet up with my long relatives particularly my cousins, where i see them from young. catching a smile from them bright up my day...

lose myself...

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had a very bad day today. had a very louzy game after 2 months of rest. even though my team won, but i totally lose my touch. just like a headless bee, running here and there. then, blew my top with my youngest sis. this time, i really blew my top. it's been quite a long time i did not let my anger out. but not today...

she scolded my mom today...very bad one. quite a number of times she raised her voice against my mom. but i just keep quite. i just hope that she will change for good. but today, what she say to my mom was totally unforgivable. after the game, i storm in her room. i ask her why she say such things to mom...but she raised her voice at me. totally lose myself, i give her a piece of my mind. i let the fire in me out...she got frighten and kept quite and started to cry helplessly. i start to slow my temper and i ask her..."momo, touch your heart and ask yourself...who feed you when you are sick? an ashmatic lady who never let her illness stop her from caring you..."

then i walk out of the room and leave her alone...

today i lose myself, but i'm still holding my emotions. i raised my voice, but in a very calm manner. i know i have been harsh...but sometimes i need to be bad, just to be kind...i felt sorry, but i mean good...

watches...

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dropby citi chain yesterday. browse through quite a number of watches. one of the design that caught my eyes is cyma brand. currently there's promotion from 40%~70% off sales. those watches remind me of someone. i like the brand anyway and i found that the price come in a reasonable rate. wanted to purchase one for myself, but i still got a few in my drawer. my old timex still working well, except for some fog on the screen. blurry but works well. another one is a pocket watch with a picture in it. it's not working, and i don't intend to fixed it. i don't want it to work, because i just want the time to remain there. each time when i look at the watch...it just simply makes me smile...particularly the pic in it...

2 months break...

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almost 2 months now. i did not play any football nor jogging nor qi gong. suddenly i feel so bloody lazy. got a call yesterday morning. mazidi invite me to play for this team. without hesitation, i agree. but i suspect my fitness level and yet i feel confident...at least i got my f50+ with me...

during my 2 months absense, kok take captained the team. i doesn't know what happen to the team. quite a number of players call me and ask where have i been. i just give the excuse that i'm helping out the house. in fact, i just feel like taking a break. just wanna relax my mind a little bit and did some reading. bought quite a number of books lately..."emotional intelligence", "the power of your subconscious mind", "the adsense code", "story of michael dell" and a few more. i'm taking my own sweet time reading them...

i just browsed through a few of it and it's wonderfully written. to me, a book can change my thoughts or maybe my perception of life...

another 1 week i'll be leaving for cameron highlands. never been there before but always wanted to there. the main objective for me is to learn and experience the argricultural plantation life there and spend a lot of time reading. argricultural plantation is one of my interest. if taken care, it's going to be one of the most beautiful thing that you ever see in your life....reminds me of beautiful bali...